Herr Biden Speaking

Biden? Unity? Jawohl!

Heil Josef!

The Speech!

Biden and Unity! Slo-Joe Biden answers his own call for unity and delivers the ultimate “Unifying” speech to great acclaim. For a man who can’t call a recession a recession, he sure can call a fascist a fascist! This speech is so popular that accolades came in from everywhere! Including down under (way, way, down under).


Wunderbar! Du machst Fortschritte, Slo-Joe! (German)

Adolf H.

Bügd nairamdakhchuudyg al. (Mongolian)

Genghis K.

q’oveltvis gaanadgure sheni mots’inaaghmdegeebi, rogorts shegidzlia! (Georgian)

Ioseb Besarionis dze J. (aka Josef S.)

Rip them again! (English)

Quèbǎo zài shā sǐ tāmen zhīqián zhémó tāmen! (Chinese)

Mao Tse-T.

Remember Joe, you can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. (Chicagoese)

Kumbuka: Daima zipike baada ya (au wakati) unaziua! (Swahili)

kom phlech roksaa lleakbal robsa puokke! (Khmer)

Pol P.

Keep the heads! (American English)

Ted B.

Mne osobenno nravitsya pronzat', obezglavlivat', szhigat', dushit', zharit', osleplyat' i vypotroshit'. Kakoy tvoy lyubimyy? (Russian)

Tuer vaut mieux que pardonner! (French)

Maximillian the Incorruptible (later the “Headless”) R.

Biden, stop clowning around and do it! (American English)

John Wayne G.

Bagă o furculiță în ele! (Romanian)

د 8 ملیارد نظامي تجهیزاتو په هیله! (Pashto)

Hibatullah A., Current President of Afghanistan


The living also thought Slo-Joe’s speech was a rousing success! In fact, immediately after he finished haranguing anyone different than he, miracles broke out all over the country: all Republicans immediately registered as Democrats; Everyone junked their car and bought a Prius: every American home offered to take in 874 illegal aliens so the illegals could be housed, clothed, and fed like all “other” Americans (Unfortunately, all the aliens refused the offer, preferring to keep the free food, free transportation, free health care, free drug implements; free cell phones, and free hotel rooms they are currently receiving); every gun owner shot themselves, all fetuses aborted themselves; every American millionaire and billionaire gave all their assets to Hunter Biden; and all pre-teens cut off their penises and/or gouged out their vaginas. Ahhh, America is at peace with itself and finally united again!!!

Like Josef “Slo-Joe” Biden, we at MOL are also trying to unify America. Fortunately, we’re doing it a different way!

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