FANNY, WEST VIRGINIA – May 25, 2012. U.S. officials today acknowledged that the coming American aid to the Palestinians to rehabilitate Hamas will allow them to purchase additional rockets to kill more Jews. What a great foreign policy; kill our allies!
We at MOL have done some soul searching and now announce that we agree with Biden’s new policy. Let’s look at the facts.
- Our allies are a financial burden. In 2020, we gave them over 50 billion dollars in foreign aid. What did we get in return? Bupkis, rien, nichts, nanimonai and bupkis-eh.
- Do our allies come to our aid when we need it? No! In 2020, there were 22 separate billion-dollar weather and climate disasters across the United States. Our beloved country spent over 95 billion dollars these natural disasters. Did our allies help? No
The solution is clear! Accept Biden’s new foreign policy but extend it further. In addition to funding the Palestinians so they can kill Jews, we should fund the IRA, so they can kill the Brits; Islamic terrorists in France, so they can kill the French; the Red Army Faction, so they can kill the Germans; The Yakuza, so they can kill the Japanese; and real bacon, which will kill the Canadians.
Then, we will finally be able to live in peace and prosperity, without the hassle of dealing with allies. Until, of course, we are overcome by the Chinese, Iranians, Russians, Cubans, Venezuelans, and North Koreans.