FBI's New Name and New Motto!

The FBI’s New Name and New Motto! MOL To the Rescue!

It’s time for the FBI’s new name and new Motto!

UPDATE 9/13/22 – Zee Fedstapo takes out another political enemy subversive (See https://www.wsj.com/articles/mypillow-ceo-mike-lindell-says-fbi-seized-his-phone-at-a-hardees-drive-through-11663176148.

Yesterday, our secret police force, Zee Fedstapo, corralled another subversive. Mike Lindell was apprehended at a Hardee’s restaurant in Mankato, Minn. Before Lindell was able to scarf down his Monster Angus Burger combo and hand scooped ice cream shake, fifty-six Fedstapo Political Purity agents grabbed him and seized his cell phone. The Fedstapo Propaganda Office said Lindell’s phone was known to contain U.S. Nuclear codes, top secret government documents and/or White people exhibiting pornographic positions.

To date, Zee Fedstapo, under Fedmeister (You can call me) Wray, announced that the following subversives have been effectively neutralized:  Steve Bannon, Carter Page, seventeen unnamed January 6 peaceful protestors, George Papadopoulos, John Dillinger, and Donald Trump. (You can call me) Wray further stated that additional subversives, such as Ron DeSantis, Greg Abbott, Archie Bunker, Keving McCarthy, Niles Fettucine, and Amy C. Barrett would be “taken care of” shortly.

Background

Ever since its inception in The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) was the trustworthy and loyal investigative arm for all the people. J. Edgar Hoover was weird, but he always did his job fairly and usually without bias. (Except for persecuting Dr. King and ignoring the Mafia for far too long.) He was evenhanded and fair, most of the time.

The fairness and even handedness of Hoover’s FBI was best exemplified by two of their best employees, Inspector Lewis Erskine and his partner, Inspector Tom Colby. They worked for the FBI (throughout the country, but mostly throughout our living rooms) from 1965 to 1974. Agents Erskine and Colby were also evenhanded and fair. They treated everyone equally, and they always got their man (mainly because women didn’t commit crimes until 1978). Erskine and Colby were also white, male, and heterosexual, but we’ll discuss that in another post. (They were, however, good looking. They resembled Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. and William Reynolds.)

In the FBI of Hoover, Erskine, and Colby, it didn’t matter if you were Republican or Democrat; a multimillionaire builder, TV personality, best-selling author and socialite from New York, or a drug addled, hooker porking, nude photo enthusiast, unwed father from Delaware. Justice used to be blind (and equal). NOt anymore!

Today

Not anymore. The FBI has morphed from the epitome of truth, justice, and the American way, into an underground RICO{1} organization that serves as the muscle arm of the progressive movement. It has become a “legal” mafia that uses its energy to expand their own power and pummel their political opponents, under pain of death{2} or imprisonment, into submission. This metamorphosis began years ago. The metamorphosis is not new. See https://www.meaningoflifesatire.com/have-the-democrats-lost-their-minds/ But it is accelerating! 

The FBI must change their name. They are no longer federal, a bureau, or an investigative body, so a housecleaning is due.

The FBI is no longer Federal{3}, serving everyone. Now, they only serve their own interests and those of big government progressives.

They are also no longer a bureau{4}, operating under legal rules. Now they apply any rules, legal or illegal (including those they make up on an ad hoc basis, i.e., The Russia Hoax), that will achieve their goal. An interesting example (and excellent comparison) is how they brought an army{5} to arrest a conservative{6} who allegedly told a fib, while a similarly situated progressive{7} (who told many fibs) was merely invited in, at her convenience, to have an off the record{8} chat. She was allowed to bring five lawyers with her; David E. Kendall, Cheryl D. Mills, Heather Samuelson, Katherine Turner and Amy Saharia, one of whom (Mills) was a co-conspirator (Oh, no matter). The group was served coffee and snacks and probably told each other ribald tales.

Finally, the FBI no longer investigates. Now, they persecute{9}, threaten{10}, trick{11}, jail{12}], and kill{13} their political opponents.

A Representative Example

Let’s look at the Roger Stone arrest to see the “new” FBI in action. Instead of asking Roger’s attorney to bring him to an FBI office, the aforementioned twenty-nine “agents” in seventeen vehicles stormed his house at 5:00 am and took him away in irons. NFL star Chad Johnson was jogging by at the time. He said the entire event looked like a movie set. (Fox News did a great reporting job on the arrest. See https://www.foxnews.com/politics/security-footage-of-roger-stones-arrest-like-seal-team-6-going-into-bin-laden-compound-tucker-carlson

The FBI also alerted CNN of the upcoming storming, so that Roger’s arrest could prominently appear on the morning news.

We’re sure old Adolf was looking down at, er, I mean looking up at, Roger’s arrest. His immediate comment: “Wunderbar, Wunderbar.” Of course, in order to improvethe performance of his followers, he quickly added, “But ver vas your arma und your ah cover? Dummkopf, I told you, alvays employ arma und ah cova.”

The Result

The FBI is no longer the fair neutral investigative agency of yore. It is now a secret police organization that harasses, arrests, and kills{14} anyone that gets in their way.

The FBI is horribly politically slanted and horribly corrupt. For some strange reason, many (including, strangely, some conservative commentators) believe (and say) that the “regular” agents of the FBI are okay, only the leadership is corrupt.

WTF? We at MOL don’t believe one word of that jive ass mumbo-jumbo bull. That’s like believing (and saying) that the “button men” and caporegimes of the mafia are okay, only the “Don” is corrupt.

Anyone associated with the FBI, from the director down to the lady who waters the plants and the guy who sweeps the floor, is a crook and corrupt. If any agent or employee wants to get his/her reputation back, there is only one way to do it! F’ING QUIT!!!

We at MOL (unlike the FBI) believe in all truth, including truth in advertising. Therefore, since the FBI’s current name no longer fits the organization (They are no longer “Federal” because they no longer represent all the people. They are also no longer a simple “Bureau”, they have become a multi-tentacled crime family. Finally, they no longer investigate to reach the truth.

Our Recommendations

Since the FBI now threatens, pummels, arrests, destroys, and kills those who don’t agree with them, truth be damned!), as a public service, we recommend that the organization adopt a new name, one that more accurately reflects their goals and methods. Our recommendation

Zie Fedstapo!

We also recommend that, in order to explain to the American people why they should be scared shitless of Zie Fedstapo, the former FBI also adopt a motto. This motto will describe the FBI’s activities and warn of their new methods. Our recommendation: 

"Vee are Zie Fedstapo und vee haf vays of makeen you tawwwk! (Bamboo, bving me more bamboo!)"

Footnotes

{1} Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organization.
{2} No? What about Ruby Ridge?
{3} Definition: Serving all the states (and, of course, all the people) equally. 
{4} Definition: an office or department for transacting particular business.
{5} Twenty-nine “agents” in seventeen vehicles.
{6} I.e., A member of a non-approved political group.
{7} I.e., A member of an approved political group. Yup, you guessed it, Hillary!
{8} I.e., neither recorded nor transcribed. 
{9} Roger Stone, Steve Bannon, Michael Flynn, Paul Manafort, Rick Gates, Carter Page, Michael Cohen, George Papadopoulos, Kyle Rittenhouse, et. al.
{10} Michael Flynn, et. al.
{11} Carter page, Roger Stone, et. al.
{12} Paul Manafort, Steve Bannon, George Papadopoulos, et. al.
{13} Ruby Ridge again, And Ashley Babbit, kind of.
{13} Ruby Ridge again

P.S. In order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, and to promote the general welfare of The Meaning Of Life ~ World’s Greatest Political Satire!!!, please make a donation to the cause!

P.P.S. Before you leave, check out our merchandise and Commentative Clothing!

P.P.P.S. Remember to tell (or text) your friends (or acquaintances, if you don’t have any friends) about the Meaning of Life ~ World’s Greatest Political Satire!!! You will rock their world!!!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.