Updated January 21, 2022) Ding Dong, TX There has been much consternation and confusion as to the events developing in eastern Ukraine and what our beloved president is planning to do about them. In a journalistic coup, MOL has uncovered Biden’s plans and strategy and learned that he will implement The Munich Model!
Ukraine lies east of Poland, west of Russia, and north of the Black Sea. It is a former Soviet Republic that broke away from the Soviet Union to pursue truth, justice, and the American Ukrainian way. The Ukrainian people endured years of hardship, war(1), and famine(2) under the former Soviet Union, but finally achieved their freedom in 1991(3). (For more information on Ukraine/Russia history and their “disagreement”, see https://www.meaningoflifesatire.com/the-fulda-gap-and-in-defense-of-the-russkies/)
The Current Problem
The Ukraine crisis is remarkably similar to the Czechoslovakia/Sudetenland crisis faced by the Western powers in 1938. In that crisis, the mostly peaceful German Fuhrer preliminarily marched his troops into the Rhineland. He then demanded the annexation of the Sudetenland region of Czechoslovakia because the region was mostly populated by Germans. To give his demand some weight, Fuhrer Hitler stationed approximately 200,000 troops on the Czech border. And to calm the West, Hitler affirmatively declared, “This is my last territorial claim in Europe.”
In the current Ukraine crisis, (4) mostly peaceful Russian President Vladimir Putin has preliminarily marched his troops into the Crimea and is now demanding the annexation of the eastern portion of Ukraine, known as Donbass(5) because the region is mostly populated by Russians. To give his demand some weight, President Putin has currently stationed almost 200,000 troops on Ukraine’s eastern border. They have also established a massive supply “tail(6)” to support these troops when they begin raping and pillaging.
Current Status of Ukraine
Ukraine, like Czechoslovakia in 1938, is a democracy and a close ally of the West. Ukraine has even applied for membership in NATO. Its proximity to Russia gives the West a big advantage in any future conflict between Russia and NATO, the West. And Russia knows this!
Slo-Joe’s Solution – The Munich Model
To resolve the current Ukraine crisis and to prevent war, Biden will employ the tried and true Munich Model. This model was named after the extremely successful 1938 pact between The Third Reich, Great Britain, Italy and France, (but not Czechoslovakia). Just as the west permitted Hitler to absorb the Sudetenland, Slo-Joe will allow Putin to absorb Donbass and any other areas with a significant(9) Russian population without any opposition. In return, Biden will require Putin to affirmatively declare, “This is my last territorial claim in Europe”. Ukraine will be, like Czechoslovakia was, excluded from all negotiations. Biden is so sure that the Munich Model will succeed and bring peace to the region, he has had White House spokesmodel Whacky Psaki declare that he (Biden) has achieved “peace in our time.”
The Guaranteed Results
The implementation of Slo-Joe’s MUnich Model peace plan will allow the world to breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that:
- Rump Ukraine will continue to enjoy its long-term peace and freedom just as, pursuant to the Munich Pact of 1938, Slovakia and The Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia continue to enjoy their long-term peace and freedom as well as their membership, as free and independent democracies to this very day; and,
- Russia will become a cherished and respected member of the family of nations, just as the current Third Reich is cherished and respected in Europe today.
- The world will acknowledge Slo-Joe as a peacemaker, greater than even Neville Chamberlain, Britain’s most well known and greatest Prime Minister; and,
- Just as the Munich Pact of 1938 prevented a possible disastrous hypothetical, World War II, Slo-Joe’s plan will finally bring us peace in our time!
Great job, Slo-Joe. Follow the History!!!
(1) In 1919, six different armies-– those of the Ukrainians, the Bolsheviks, the Whites, the Entente (French), the Poles and the anarchists – were fighting in Ukrainian territory. Kiev changed hands five times in less than a year.
(2) Over seven million Ukrainians died in the famine of 1932-33.
(3) Or 1992, depending on who you talk to.
(4) Those damn Ukrainian troublemakers. This entire crisis is their fault because they sought freedom and independence. Who do they think they are? The Second Continental Congress?
(5) A Ukrainian contraction for Donets Basin. Apparently, Ukrainians do not use apostrophes in their contractions!
(6) A military supply “tail” consists of two parts: a) the vast storage of supplies near an advancing army so that the army will have enough gasoline, bullets, food, clothing and medical supplies to rape and pillage at will, and b) the implementation of a vast and efficient transportation network that can rush additional supplies to the invading army so they will be capable of lots of raping and pillaging.
(7) Ukraine’s status is noted here because Slo-Joe seems to keep forgetting it!
(8) Russia’s status is noted here because Slo-Joe seems to keep forgetting it!
(9) I.e., greater than 1%.
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