Ignore the law, save time, and receive free money! Become an Illegal!

The Problem

Life is tough. All Americans must deal with disappearing food supplies, skyrocketing prices, crime in the streets, Slo-Joe as president. And worst of all, we only have 23 days during which to early vote!

The Solution

We at MOL have uncovered a simple plan that is easy to implement, will eliminate all your responsibilities, will eliminate your obligation to comply with most laws and regulations. This plan will also provide you with a bunch of freebies, and allow you to take actions that are prohibited to all other Americans.

What is this plan? Simple, renounce your American citizenship and become an illegal! It is easy, it is painless, it is profitable, and it provides an important freedom not in the Bill of Rights: The freedom of not having to comply with the law!

How To Do It

How can any American obtain these benefits? Easy, a) travel to Mexico, b) renounce your citizenship at any US Consulate or the embassy in Mexico City, c) walk back into America across the Rio Grande River (Don’t worry, the Rio Grande is not that grand. In many places {including near El Paso Texas}it has a concrete riverbed and is only a foot or two deep and fifty yards across), and d) repeat the following recitation to the first US border official you encounter, “I am fleeing oppression in my coontry. I fear for my life and seek asylum in Amedica. (Use the Spanish inflections indicated. Better yet, if you can speak Spanish, make the entire recitation in Spanish.)

When making the recitation, it is extremely important that you have a child with you. It is not necessary that the child be your own. (If you can’t locate a child, don’t worry, many are available for rent or purchase on the Mexican side of the border. Just look for a foreign looking guy surrounded by dozens of children in chains.) It is also extremely important that you stand right next to the child when making your recitation to the border official. In fact, glom onto the child until the child can’t breathe and the border agent must separate you. (This step is important. See #9 below!) Once you have been separated from the child and have completed your recitation, you are in like sin!

The border official will not detain you. He will only tell you that, by talking to him, you have been caught and now you are being released. (See https://www.meaningoflifesatire.com/catch-and-release-sure-but-how-about-a-better-cheaper-and-faster-way/ for MOL’s recommendation of a better policy than “catch and release”.)

The Benefits

I know you are thinking, “Why should I do all this, what benefits will I receive.” Well, a lot. As an illegal alien who has just been separated from a (not necessarily your) child at the border, you will be entitled to numerous benefits not available to legal Americans, such as:

  1. Immediate Entry into the US – Foreign nationals must wait months to obtain a visa to enter the US. In addition, they can only stay here for ninety days! You will not have to put up with any of that crap. You will be able to stay in the US forever the moment you arrive!
  2. Free Air Travel – Americans must pay (sometimes dearly) to fly around the country. As an illegal alien, you will be able to fly wherever you want, for free! As a bonus, you will fly on charter flights (that serve free food and free liquor), not on commercial flights that lowly peon Americans must take. In addition, you will be able to enter the airport privately and board your plane in secret. No more waiting on lines!
  3. No identification required – Americans must produce proof of identity before they can fly, enter gated communities, or vote. As an illegal alien, you will not have to go through the hassle of obtaining a valid ID. You can use your arrest warrant as ID for almost anything, including to vote in many major cities. The arrest warrants of illegal aliens are not yet valid for voting in Federal elections, but that will certainly change very soon!
  4. Free Bus/Taxi/Uber Travel – The federal government will provide you with free charter busses, taxis, or Uber rides so you can travel throughout the country at no cost!
  5. Faster Citizenship – Foreigners attempting to obtain US citizenship legally must wait up to five years and spend thousands of dollars to even obtain a Green Card (what horse’s asses they are), let alone full citizenship. Shortly, Slo-Joe will, by Executive Order, grant full citizenship to all illegals in the country. No wait, no cost!
  6. No vaccine required – Unlike Americans, you will not need a vaccine to engage in any activity, including flying.
  7. Free Hotel Rooms and Other Lodgings – As an illegal alien, you will be entitled to free hotel rooms, including meals without charge.
  8. No Mask Requirement – Unlike Americans, you will not have to wear a mask to engage in any human endeavor.
  9. Cash Benefits – Last, and certainly not least, the federal government will provide you with numerous cash benefits, but the crème-de-la crème is the fact that you will receive up to $450,000 because the border agent separated you from the child you entered the country with. (Remember, think like an illegal! Ask for you benefit in cash and don’t pay any income tax on it!)
  10. Other benefits – As an illegal, you will also be able to receive, at no cost or obligation, emergency Medicaid services, primary and secondary education, school nutrition services, Aid to Families with Dependent Children (AFDC) and food stamp benefits.

The Result

The federal government is shoveling illegals into America as fast as they can and showering them with benefit upon benefit! It’s time for all of us to get on the gravy train!

P.S.

Remember, don’t wear you heart on your sleeve. Wear you political ideals on your chest (or back) instead (or on your coffee cup)! Check out MOL’s Commentative Clothing! Click the Merchandise/Commentative Clothing button in the upper right corner of the page!

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