Zee Fedstapo (Zee FDO, f/k/a The FBI), our political guardians have once again saved the homeland. This time, from, as usual, another evil, wicked, mean, bad, and nasty conservative!! Last year, conservative dreg, Mark Houck had the audacity to appear at a CONSERVATIVE protest. The protest was at a Philadelphia Planned Parenthood “clinic” (A wonderful liberal organization that selflessly serves humanity by killing future humanity). According to Zee FDO, at the protest, Houck had the further audacity to (GASP) “forcefully shove” a counter-protestor. The counter-protestor was an upstanding liberal pro-death counter-protestor and partner-in-abortion. (Author’s Note: Why can’t these goddamned conservative protestors protest safely, like BLM and Antifa do?)
Prior to being “forcefully shoved”, the upstanding partner-in-abortion did absolutely nothing to Houck. He did, however, threaten and endanger Houck’s children! Of course, per government regulations, threatening and endangering conservative children is not only permitted, but recommended!
Zee Fedstapo Saves the Day!
A clearly incompetent Pennsylvania criminal court was about to dismiss the charges against Houck when, once again, our undying guardians, Zee FDO, swooped in and saved the day. They rearrested Houck on the Federal charge of shoving a liberal (Author’s Note: An appropriate federal crime as these shoves are an offense to all “real” Americans and, if permitted, would be an existential threat to our country and would end the world as we know it. (Author’s Note: Make sure to check out REM’s 1987 hit “The End of the World as We Know it”, written by Bill Berry, Peter Buck, Mike Mills, and Michael Sipe. This song exemplifies the entire liberal world and all of its causes!)
Houck’s (certainly conservative, therefore unreliable) attorney offered to present Houck to Zee Fedstapo, but the FDO was not amused. They appropriately sent twenty-five heavily armed agents to Hauck’s residence. (It is not clear if any of the agents were armed with Thompson sub-machine guns, howitzers, flame throwers, or bazookas.)
Upon entering Houck’s home, FDO agents immediately trained their weapons on Houck, his wife, and his children. After all, you can never be too sure with dangerous conservatives, especially the girls under age four! (There is one unconfirmed report that an agent pointed his assault weapon at Houck’s son’s groin and asked him if he identified as a trans female.)
After they captured the malcontent (a conservative White male, the worst kind of criminal) the agents appropriately restrained him with three sets of handcuffs, two sets of leg irons, a waist chain, and a hood with Joe Biden’s face painted on it! (For more information, see https://www.foxnews.com/us/pro-life-activist-mark-houck-pleads-not-guilty-federal-charges-fbi-arrest.
Rhe FDO was asked what would happen to Houck. They confirmed he would be held, along with the January 6 traitors, without bail until his trial date. The spokesman further indicated that Houck’s trial will take place when, in the spokesman’s words, “hell freezes over.”
Once again, Zee Fedstapo has saved our glorious State from evil conservative vermin! Let’s all thank God, er, I mean Mother Gaia and always remember: Vee are Zee Fedstapo und Vee haf vays of makeen you talk!
See https://www.meaningoflifesatire.com/the-fbis-new-activities-require-a-new-name-and-new-motto-mol-to-the-rescue/ for additional information on Zee “New” Fedstapo.
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